After much discussion with my therapist I've decided to NOT continue my PTSD Series: Splintered Self. This year has held so many changes and so much growth that to dig back into the past is not conducive to my continued healing.
For now I am going to take a hiatus as I move through this season of previously difficult times in an effort to change this time of year back into a season of joy and fun.
The conclusions I have finally arrived at:
My life is not… Continue
Added by Bree N. on October 3, 2015 at 10:11am —
****Contains possibly offensive language, description of inner life after brain injury*****
I have a traumatic brain injury.
It's so easy to try and downplay this issue. To pretend it really isn't or wasn't 'that bad'. I had appointments I kept forgetting about, missing (and got charged for anyway) and times where I'd sat not moving for hours on end. I had no sense of the passing of time. I did not recognize the person in the mirror. Every day I got up I did… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 30, 2015 at 8:52am —
We the vacation is over again for another two years and we had fun and the weather was on our side. We were in Scotland and the weather can be difficult if you know what I mean(raining. We had one day were it just kept raining but for the most part it was you just ran that intersection with out even looking there has been to many roll overs and accidents with Public services vehicles and private vehicles, sure hope you had your seat belt on at least. Did I just not read… Continue
Added by Bob Allard on September 29, 2015 at 1:54pm —
Bullying. Is it possible you are being a bully online? Wait, what?! It seems easy to distinguish right? Well...not always so easy. The media and most of how cyber bullying and bullying in general is portrayed as seems rather straightforward. Bullies bully right? Yes they do and sometimes it's not the way you think.
I know I've written about bullying, cyberbullying and since being back in the public eye via Periscope I am going to revisit the topic. Bullying is not always about… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 23, 2015 at 9:00am —
I put out a challenge this past Sunday. It's evolved now into a hashtag: #UniformAppreciationChallenge and it's about saying "I/We/Our Family appreciates you and THANK YOU via the hashtag, on a 'Scope' on FaceBook, somewhere on social Media.
Added by Bree N. on September 22, 2015 at 8:31am —
****Can be offensive to those who don't understand TBIs*****
Should I put a disclaimer on my scopes stating "Rated R for Language?" I really didn't think I was that bad. But, I know I also don't always know when I've said inappropriate words out loud. I try really hard, I do and yet all it causes is massive brain exhaustion. Each time I've been invited to a serious discussion on 'Blab' it stresses me out. Plus I end up having to lay down and rest after due to being brain… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 20, 2015 at 11:00am —
It is with the utmost sadness that the Prince George’s County Fire/Emergency Medical Services (EMS) Department announce the sudden passing of retired Deputy Fire Chief Carla D. Blue. Carla Blue retired in October 2009 after 20 dedicated years of service to the Department and to the residents of Prince George’s…
Added by Cam Mitchell on September 19, 2015 at 3:15pm —
I'm in my safe place inside my mind. It's this incredible clearing I can go to to 'disassociate' myself. Every single time at the dentist's office I've had to do this as we've been on a long road of repairing teeth. For quite some time after the TBI I couldn't get to this place and the dentist, a kindly man, had to endure my triggered panic responses. I'd come home, face numb to lay in my bed in the dark trying for the life of me to remember why I was so scared. Laying there for days… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 18, 2015 at 5:00am —
What am I wanting to talk about? I had it in my mind yesterday in the car on my way home from the dentist. I really hate that particular bit of living with TBI, I hate this more than anything. I know it's supposed to be 'normal' to forget things yet I never know for sure if it's 'normal' forgetfulness or the TBI.
I rolled over in bed for the alarm and groaned. My body hurts, I'm stiff in my back (lumbar degeneration) and hips, my head is pounding alarmingly. My PTSD companion… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 16, 2015 at 10:00am —
It has been a big discussion on social media: motorists who use their hazard lights while driving in the rain.
In Florida, it is illegal to drive with your hazard lights. Hazards lights are for stopped vehicles only.
The one situation where Florida drivers are allowed to use their… Continue
Added by Jesse James Jessup on September 13, 2015 at 11:30pm —
Avoidance. I'm right there as my terrible season approaches. Avoidance for me turns very quickly into pushing the physical in order to not feel a damn thing. Pushing the weights (sans testosterone on board) is one outlet although now I can't do that for a long time like before. Hitting the bag outside until I can feel my adrenaline rush up and all I can feel is the sensation of hitting that bag. It's really satisfying and that in and of itself is addicting.
I had the sudden… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 13, 2015 at 5:00am —
Amazing story from a flight attendant on Delta Flight 15, written following 9/11/2001:
"On the morning of Tuesday, September 11, we were about 5 hours out of Frankfurt, flying over the North Atlantic. All of a sudden the curtains parted and I was told to go to the cockpit, immediately, to see the… Continue
Added by Janet Liebsch on September 11, 2015 at 9:20am —
**1year 4 months ago**
I hold the phone and look at the card in my hand. 'I can't do this, I can't'. Most of all I didn't want to make this call. I toss the phone onto the bed and throw the card across the floor. It drifts and slides under my dresser. 'Good riddance. I'll be fine, I don't need help. I can do this alone.' I hop up onto the high bed and flop face down. Tears start leaking out of my eyes and I know I'm not okay, I'm not. The tears lead to sobbing and I think about far… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 10, 2015 at 8:00am —
I stand at the dresser and my glance touches briefly on the basket again. "why, why am I even thinking about this? I'm stronger than that, I don't need it. I. Don't. Need. It." I focus instead on my supplements I've scheduled with an app reminder. As I swallow my water my eyes have a mind of their own and they look at the basket again. I'm disgusted with myself in this moment and I push away from the dresser to flop on the bed. Breathe, concentrate on breathing. I lay on my back and stare at… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 9, 2015 at 8:01am —
Skin color. I look at myself every single morning in my mirror and remember growing up being judged by my 'lightness'. Called every name in the book, told I was 'passing'. Judged by my skin color, I must be rich because I appear to be white, right? Gimme your money, I know you've got plenty. The most confusing as we were only barely on the upper end of the designation of 'lower class income.' My father would get spoken to in Arabic by the Lebanese as he look very similar to them. This only… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 7, 2015 at 10:41am —
What are "Call Outs"?
[They are done during my workout I "Scope" on Periscope each morning at 7:30 Eastern Time (USA)using the hashtags #TheImperfectInvitation & #1stResponderZone]
Call Outs are for the LIVING. What I'm doing is -NOT- another LODD list or remembrance list. That said, I will state for a choice few (myself included) a name with the statement -"Your life Mattered to ME."
Call Outs can be first name only, nickname, call sign, designation,… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 6, 2015 at 9:23am —
I'm extending an invitation via Social Media in an effort to let you know YOUR LIFE MATTERS TO ME..
I've posted this on WordPress- holdtheline2gether, Twitter- @Now_Bree
The imperfect invitation–
Join me in the dark of the mornings 7:30AM (USA-PST) on Periscope. It doesn’t mean you have to share, type any response. Perhaps you’re only on the web viewing and unable to ‘heart’, to type anything. Talk at me, I’m just me, in the dark and I have been… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 5, 2015 at 10:09am —
I lay on my back with my arm over my face listening to my husband talk softly while he taps the needles gently into my skin. 'This symbol, it will stay with you your entire life. It is my gift to you. I want you to never forget you are a warrior, you are in the good fight. The story says a warrior gives their all in a singular moment. They bloom for a mere moment in time and if they are blessed greatly they live to see another season of the fight. This gift, this gift is your reminder you will… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 3, 2015 at 9:28am —
I think every single person I've ever talked to who is living and walking the path towards growth in their PTSD and/or TBI has encountered this term. Oh they're just "batsh*t crazy". It's discounting to the journey, it's demeaning, and it is a way to absolutely discredit anything I've or anyone has been through. I've made people un-comfortable, un-easy, and have been un-likeable, un-loveable all the 'uns' you can come up with I've been called. I've been pursued and found lacking. Those are… Continue
Added by Bree N. on September 2, 2015 at 9:19am —
Judgy-ness as we call it in our house. My adult children hate it when I become frustrated by judgements made towards me when I can't express myself correctly through spoken words. They hate it when I am finding joy only to be brought down by someone put off by my joy in each day. I AM joyful and there is a joy in each of my days I've probably never felt. This joy seems to be something absolutely new in experience. I choose not to pick at it too much with questions of new? not new? is this real?… Continue
Added by Bree N. on August 30, 2015 at 8:47am —