Poetry is consuming me. I've been working on creating a poem for every single PTSD blog post I've done in the last three years. It is very emotional and digs deep into the darkness of what I'd written about for so very long. Some poems bring forth emotions I did not expect. Tears fall, my throat gets tight and I feel I could begin to sob while I write. Those moments are the ones I question what I am doing with this year long project I've created for myself.
The words write… Continue
Added by Bree N. on February 27, 2016 at 10:57pm —
This simple act has no meaning to me anymore. Recently I was apologised to for an unfortunate two hour wait for an appointment. I felt it was important to simply say to her "The brain injury has messed up my sense of time passing, it could have been 10 min or three hours to me. I'm not worried about it, no apology needed." This seemed to startle her as she'd been apologising to patients for most of the day at this point. "Relax, no worries, I'm not worried about it." She finally… Continue
Added by Bree N. on February 24, 2016 at 4:39pm —
Survival. I never thought I'd make it. I only survived through pure chance, pure luck and most of all the desperation that I would not die a passive death without having fought back. To have survived to only then be broken further by lesser things seemed unconscionable. It shamed me inside to not have been able to 'handle' all the things which further broke me.
All those straws, they do add up until the moment you break and break hard. In theory it's the one big moment which does it.… Continue
Added by Bree N. on February 20, 2016 at 5:00am —
This refrain runs through my head each day as I wake, as I walk on the treadmill, and as I work through the rest of my day. I loved myself enough to save myself in the beginning of this journey. From the moment of this decision to save myself? My life changed. There are no longer any regrets. It's funny to look back and recall there had been regrets. Yet there have also been those moments where I thought perhaps this had been an insane act of desperation.
Added by Bree N. on February 17, 2016 at 5:00am —
PTSD is like a seedling planted in my psyche. A random seed dropped, not from the sky, but from a random act of terrorism. It has been up to me whether the seedling planted was nurtured into a full grown deeply rooted tree or neglected until it shriveled. For years I nurtured it in secret until the day it took root overwhelming me. At first it had been easy to hide the seedling's growth inside myself. Easy until it had grown so large no one could pretend it didn't exist anymore.
Added by Bree N. on February 14, 2016 at 12:46am —
Happiness is my constancy. It's a pursuit I've been actively pursuing for months now. Once I became aware of my brain being 'stuck' in the happy groove and how wonderful it felt? I didn't want it to stop. Yet, in my pursuit of brain healing using the two handed sketching and painting, it has began to stir up the emotional center. Tears began flowing again, anger began being right below the surface. Laughter, and yes..feelings of love began to fill me up.
I am overwhelmed by… Continue
Added by Bree N. on February 12, 2016 at 5:30am —
This past week I've been moving towards a majestic meltdown. I could even sense it coming. To say the fences had been pushed hard is to lessen the importance of the ribbon I'd been racing to get to. This particular ribbon I met and broke with an exuberant sense of achievement. Ribbon wrapped around my body I fell to the ground and couldn't get up, could breathe only with jagged breaths. Now what? I dragged myself up off the ground to find this particular race was over and I'd gotten so caught… Continue
Added by Bree N. on February 5, 2016 at 4:00am —