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April 2015 Blog Posts (10)

TBI: I Will Never Be The Same

Frustration, it consumes me most days. I hate it but it does. I have “unrealistic expectations regarding my brain injury’s rate of healing”. I want to get a week’s worth of each night being a full night of sleep. It’s become an obsession which when I don’t obtain this seemingly reasonable goal I get frustrated. I feel as if I am a major failure because I can’t sleep all night long like a ‘normal’ person.

If I slept all night long with regular sleep my brain would be able to heal… Continue

Added by Bree N. on April 29, 2015 at 8:00pm — 2 Comments

PTSD: How did it begin?

How did it begin? Some people consider this question to be very private and personal. Some are on a path where to share the facts of their PTSD is important. For myself I know sharing about it can trigger others into a spiral. I feel a responsibility about sharing about anything except my own journey, the inner workings of what it is like to live with this constant series of waves crashing over me. The waves of remembering the moment PTSD began to be a shadow in my life.



Added by Bree N. on April 26, 2015 at 2:33pm — No Comments

Just Do Your Job...

**triggers in post due to description of on the job sexual harassment**

(Journal description of typical shift)

The Way It Was, Just Do Your Job..

My alarms startles me awake and I slap at it until it turns off. “Get up already, don’t lay here”. It’s 8pm and I’ve got to be ready for third shift work. I breathe in and out while telling myself ‘tonight it will be okay, you can make it through.” I swing my legs over the side of the bed and grab my robe and… Continue

Added by Bree N. on April 24, 2015 at 9:38pm — No Comments

PTSD: Cuddling and Hugs, Some Days It's Just About My Dog

I cannot pinpoint when cuddling and hugs left my life. I was the Mom who cuddled with her adult kids in the huge bed each week to have movie night and eat popcorn together. I was the Mom you could count on to give you a big hug when you visited our home. When I look back, I will try to pinpoint when exactly it was this stopped being part of my life. I find I can’t figure it out. Health wise, well I know for sure it was around this time I stopped being “okay”.

When I read about Japan’s…


Added by Bree N. on April 21, 2015 at 11:56am — No Comments

PTSD/TBI: I'm Not An Expert!

Often I get private messages or DMs trying to slam me for not “knowing what I’m talking about”. Well, I’m not an expert on PTSD or TBI. Surprise! I only know about my own experiences and living day to day. It always astounds me to get these kind of messages. Why the pointed hatefulness directed my way? I get it I really do about how each person has different experiences and I respect their journey. Some get stuck in part of their walk so deeply it becomes a place of anger at the… Continue

Added by Bree N. on April 17, 2015 at 5:00am — 5 Comments

PTSD: Relapse, Setbacks, It All Feels The Same

“I’ve been on a losing streak, I’m holding on to things I shouldn’t it’s time to let them go, Hit so hard I couldn’t speak” …These are lyrics to a song in my playlist. (Firelight; Brand New Day-Unbreakable) It’s been a theme song of sorts lately for me. I’ve been letting go of anonymity and coming out of my own dark place. Life just hits hard sometimes and it really sucks eggs. When it least was expected my major trigger came right to my front door, my home. I was okay the next day, I tried…


Added by Bree N. on April 12, 2015 at 4:22pm — 3 Comments

Hello All

hope we all made it through Easter. I did and even made it through my hand surgery and now its starting to look more like spring, no snow in the yard but its still a little cool as old man winter is still trying to stay here. I have been doing some more reading on-line and in different mags about driving to and from the fire scene and to police calls, roll overs and etc. We are are not getting better as per the books. Slow down or at least watch the intersections.

I hope we all know…


Added by Bob Allard on April 12, 2015 at 9:36am — 4 Comments

PTSD: Hiding In My Room

I’m hiding. I’m hiding in my room after a major triggered relapse. I hate this place I’m in. It was so unexpected. There I was surging ahead and wham! Six days later I am antsy, I want to move out of this place. I’m ready to move ahead again, yet the trembling inside screams it is not safe again, it’s not safe, stay inside, hide in the safety of these 4 walls and 2 windows.

I respect triggers, I do and I have a healthy fear of triggering them in others. Again and again I swallow any… Continue

Added by Bree N. on April 9, 2015 at 6:00am — 2 Comments

Hey its Friday (Good Friday)

Hello All,

Its been a busy week(s) in the training , as new classes are coming out and meetings and grand-kids and wife so yes its been busy. Next thurs (9 apr.) I have been putting off hand surgery so I will be done for awhile but I need to get it done.

I would like to have us all take a minute and say our prayers for that firefighter who fell through the roof,......... Its hard on his family and dam its around a holiday.

So how have we been doing with our driving and…


Added by Bob Allard on April 3, 2015 at 1:01pm — 6 Comments

TBI: The April Fool's On Me

I rarely, even now, know what day it is. We have a rule about opening refrigerated items. They must have the date written on them the day they are opened. Seems like a good idea and an easy one, right? Yesterday I opened my Almond Milk and yogurt, wrote the date on them 4/1.

The date should have been 3/31 Tuesday.

Just when I feel like there are these wonderful moments of healing, there are those small things which slap me down. I am working on the idea of the passing of time by… Continue

Added by Bree N. on April 1, 2015 at 6:00am — No Comments

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