Silence. I sit, I stare at my cell phone, my iPad or the TV and inside my head is the silence. There should be thoughts flying. Ideas, visual memories flying through to ponder. Plans to follow through on. Yet each day as I sit I realize there is an unnatural quiet inside my mind. For the longest time I thought it was the numbing of PTSD but it’s not. Then for another very long time I figured it must just be the TBI issues. Anymore I don’t think this is it either.
Silence. With the… Continue
Added by Bree N. on May 31, 2015 at 6:00am —
Organising. It brings a peace to my damaged mind. It didn’t used to be like this although I did like things to have their place. Helpful when you have 3 young ones and all their friends over after school. Now organisation seems to hold a particular key to bringing calm. If I get upset or stressed beyond my limits I can start organising the labels on cans in the kitchen, or the DVDs in the TV entertainment center in alphabetical order. No, it’s not an OCD thing, it’s a damaged brain thing. See?… Continue
Added by Bree N. on May 29, 2015 at 6:01pm —
Last night my son (23) and I picked up chicken at our local Church’s Chicken. In front of us was a young officer getting his food. After he’d gotten his food he went to sit down and as my son and I talked (probably loudly as we enjoy each other’s company) I kept glancing at this young officer. I noticed he looked stressed as he was sitting alone and was texting. As we left another officer pulled up in the parking lot and joined the other officer to eat. Both young officers I’d never seen before… Continue
Added by Bree N. on May 28, 2015 at 10:53am —
Bad things happen, I know this, everyone seems to get this. PTSD seems to steal away the process of moving on from bad things happening. Sh*t happens and move on? No. Stuckness happens instead. I thought I’d moved on and yet as the big anniversary of all things terrible approaches I am realising something pretty important.
I chose to deal with this stuff head on. I chose. What I didn’t expect was to unearth so many reactions to anniversaries which had been going on without me… Continue
Added by Bree N. on May 27, 2015 at 12:15pm —
We greatly appreciate your help!
All fire personnel across the state of Florida are invited to participate in an important online… Continue
Added by Fyre Walker on May 25, 2015 at 11:30am —
They hadn’t been a part of my sleep for a quite a few years except for the occasional night I slept at all. Deep sleep, restful sleep, what was this again? After finally getting restful sleep my dreams had been nonsense, the kind which happens after no dreaming time for a long time. Finally I am getting the dreams where I am figuring things out, things are processing again. Perhaps this means my brain will finally truly start healing in earnest.
I find inside my dreams… Continue
Added by Bree N. on May 23, 2015 at 9:29am —
Trouble. Our small town police chief used to tease me with the ‘her middle name is trouble’ line all the time. It was a good natured joshing kind of thing as I never was ‘trouble’. I had been married to a three generation police family so was considered an adjunct family member. Funny that. Part and yet not. Until I was, When I came back to visit with my ‘creds’ in place I was treated very differently indeed.
Trouble. No it isn’t my middle name yet for several years now it’s seemed… Continue
Added by Bree N. on May 20, 2015 at 6:54pm —
Some days I really hate this brain injury.
My daughter and I had had a wonderful day together doing all the preparations needed for her car. Oil Change and new tires equalled a happy car, happy girl. A baker’s dozen bagels from Panera Bread and a café latte later we were on the way to pick up her boyfriend. They’d had a car accident in his vehicle earlier this week. A frightening moment in time to get the call from her; “mommy, we had an accident but we are OK, we are OK.” I never… Continue
Added by Bree N. on May 13, 2015 at 8:22pm —
Retrospective insight is sometimes a real bitch. I can look back and see the joy I used to have in each day. My days had been full, always moving forward. I had a long term PLAN. One I was actively putting into action. Yet everything conspired to intrude upon my carefully created PLAN.
Suicide of a loved one. Disaster work. Business I was employed at was sold to another company. Sexual harassment and intimidation. Surgery, then not even a year later more even major surgery. Physical… Continue
Added by Bree N. on May 12, 2015 at 11:36am —
As I look over the years I realize I’ve always been alone. Only child, lonely child. It was something which became a way of life for me. The 20 years of being a full time Mum just put being alone on the back burner. Divorce, Single Mum, Alone Mum with three to raise and find the schools to go to which were the safest after life in a small town.
Career wise I got thrown onto the fast train and rose too fast with way more than the span of five. Divorce pushed me to being back into my… Continue
Added by Bree N. on May 9, 2015 at 8:45pm —