(also published on lifebeyondptsd.wordpresss)
Life smashes in, literally.
Last Saturday we had an ice storm and along with this was the usual neverending cracking of breaking limbs. However this time was different. Our trees which have survived numerousice storms gave up the fight and half of both trees came smashing down. One on video when I was letting my PTSD-companion dog outside. She darted back inside in the midst of peeing and the enormous limb slammed the door shut.
There are blessings in spite of it all.
All the limbs, even the larger tree's highest limbs which broke and fell missed the house, missed the fence. The fall was so high and the limb so large it shook the house when it hit the ground outside my window while I was live streaming. I could see my pupils dialate when I fell the house shake.
In the midst of life slamming down I can count a lot of blessings. We have had parent in laws to be who had us at their home each day to stay warm, to eat and hang out. A fantastic bonding time of getting to know each other as we'll eventually be part of each other's lives for the rest of our lives. My two adult children and I spent a lot of time cuddling in the huge bed under covers talking for hours. People checked in on me via FaceBook, Twitter, and via texting and calls. A dear friend took me out for breakfast one of the last mornings and her neighbor happened to be there. When we left after chit chatting with the lovely man, we discovered he'd paid our check. We continued to have temperatures inside the house above 50 degrees (F) and to have hot water due to a gas powered hot water tank.
A LOT of blessings.
We were without electricity for over 5 full days.
It wasn't until the last day when the children's dad began 'getting it' that this was rather serious and decided he needed to come up and stay a few days at the house no less, that my stress levels began to be high. The last day of this the SB shootings happened and my Twitter feed began to be something i avoided looking at. It was beginning to be too much.
My confidence is at an all time low, but I know, I know this will not be forever. This time is only a short bit out of my life. I can get through this, I can see it through. This season, always a tough one to endure has been the happiest one in over 10 years. I am being social, I made plans for Friday night in spite of company being here. I will go to chess club, I will bake cookies today to take with me to chess club and to also send off to an artist friend in California who lives west of where the shootings happened.
Life slams down but I am getting up, I am continuing to move forward. I am determined to keep seeing the blessings, to keep holding onto the happy in my life I've discovered.
I am more than this. The incredible thing is I now know this all the way deep inside my spirit.
I am MORE than the PTS, than the TBI and memory loss, and MORE than the Multiple Sclerosis.