This refrain runs through my head each day as I wake, as I walk on the treadmill, and as I work through the rest of my day. I loved myself enough to save myself in the beginning of this journey. From the moment of this decision to save myself? My life changed. There are no longer any regrets. It's funny to look back and recall there had been regrets. Yet there have also been those moments where I thought perhaps this had been an insane act of desperation.
Life now astounds me each day. I wake up and smile at the thought of all the possibilities which are part of my day. I push through my body's attempts to slow me down as I meet all my challenges. These acts are enough to make me smile broadly because I continue to do what I previously could not have done. Change, growth all meet up together to make me unsettled in the happiest of ways.
I am happy most days. Not in the 'stuck in the happy groove' way as healing has changed this. Some days I will momentarily wish for that groove back and other days I'm glad I'm no longer stuck. Previously I was content with not knowing the passing of time yet I am now aware it is okay to not be worried about it. So there are certainly ups and downs associated with my growth. Perhaps this is entirely normal? What a thought!
The new word I've been learning to appreciate.
(Also published to LifeBeyondPTSD Wordpress)