Three weeks. I can make it through three weeks. It's time to phase out therapy after two years. Every week becomes two weeks, then three weeks. It's almost like the schedule to phase out a medication or something similar so there will be no withdrawal. I can do this, I know I can do this. It is only in theory, in thought where I become uncomfortable inside.
There is a box full of secrets which I am still working through. One day soon will be the last one and then what happens? Do I take the box home, burn it in the backyard, have a ritual to let it all go for good? Do I hoard it? No..that's no good, I don't want anyone else to randomly stumble upon my terrible secrets.
I find I'm becoming disjointed in my approach whereas before I felt I was quite smooth. Well, Perhaps I was only fooling myself on this one. Doesn't the credo say that if we feel we're being so suave we're really lumbering along like an elephant? Yes, this is probably what is happening. I'm flat out ungraceful in how I'm 'dealing' with this phase out.
Now I know I can do this, I know this inside myself. The time has come for me to begin to phase out this 'safe place' of mine and begin to handle things all on my own. Oh yeah, on my own. This is the scary bit. Oh my own, all by myself. Maybe it's the realization that when I did attempt to handle things on my own before I fell and fell headlong into a spiral I nearly didn't escape.
But, I also know I've healed and I've grown into a place of being more than I was before brain injury happened. Sometimes, gifts are given in the oddest of ways and it's tough to see them as a gift. It takes time to be able to gain some perspective and see the seemingly tragic circumstances as a gift.
It is a gift indeed, one I never expected to experience and I sure never expected to get anything good out of. But I have, oh boy have I ever.
I can make it three weeks and beyond. I have grown confident enough to know I can own my hard earned success.
(Also published to Life Beyond PTSD, Wordpress & is a Sunday reading on Periscope)