Wins have become an important part of the process of healing for me on my path. If I don’t acknowledge there have been wins it just seems as if nothing is moving forward. I’m deeply grateful for being able to recognize them now. At first I thought it was just like bragging to myself. This didn’t feel okay, it felt selfish. Now I get it though. I see it for what it is. It’s growth happening. It might be small but it’s growth and that’s all that counts.
Facing up to something hard to do, to say out loud and actually follow through with it is a huge thing. It’s a celebration worthy thing. Choosing a path of growing within my limits is a big ole win indeed.
I’ve chosen to go back to the beginning and just refresh my knowledge of some languages I learned young. Since I’ve had the TBI it’s been a struggle as I’d understand what was being said but couldn’t translate it or speak it. So, like a child I’m starting out all new and going after French and Spanish which I learned young. It’s all already in there so just refresh it! Plus it helps my son knows French, has been to France and our neighbor is fluent in Spanish. So I have someone to actually speak the languages with.
Hey, maybe it’s like a do over. Just start it again and learn it better. Dig deeper this time around. Learn the things I already know, learn them better. I have all my textbooks I can choose a lot of different things to refresh!
I get caught up in the idea of there being a gift among the ashes of the PTSD and TBI. A gift which I can find and learn some good life lessons from. Maybe it’s a bit of an obsession. I want to growth and keep growing, not become stagnant. So I dig until I find a way.
Reading books for pleasure is a biggie for me. The challenge of remembering the story line, the plot, and how a story is playing out is super hard. I’ve stuck with it though. Determined. This book has taken me a good 4 weeks of trying to get through and I’m at 65% of the way through. Plus I’m remembering the story and what is going on and see where it’s going. What a gift this is to be able to see the glimmer of joy in reading come back. Slow, very slow progress but it IS progress indeed.
My visual memory keeps improving in pieces and it’s just thrilling when I remember something from two days ago. This is an even bigger win! Two days back is improvement indeed. Plus to visually remember something important, see it the way I used to is breathtaking. Its like finding a piece of me I thought was lost for good and realizing it’s not. It’s still there, it’s just taken a break of sorts.
Wins. Seeing the wins, saying them out loud to myself, writing them down all helps me so much. If I didn’t give these wins the recognition they deserve I’d get lost in feeling like there was no progress at all.
For today I’m so grateful for the wins. The wins keep me on track with growing and healing.